Happy 22 Month Anniversary Jr.

A person can only take so much ya know? I was reading She's blog and she was saying some stuff that I can totally relate to. "a really really really really long time ago i made a promise to myself. ...not to care so much.. no ones ever showed me how much they care. as muched as i showed it. so ..i stop." It's true you know, well, for me especially. I feel that I care too much and when the other person doesn't care as much as I do, I'm the one who ends up getting hurt. And you know what? I'm tired of it. So, like what She said, I'm stopping it; I'm not going to care as much unless the other person is willing to care as much as I do. Dude, I feel like this is a fucking boyfriend/girlfriend relationship! When really, I'm talking about friendship. I hate being the one who wants to keep in touch with all her friends and to find out that my "friends" aren't the ones who are willing to make the same effort of keeping in touch or hanging out with me. Well, some of them are and I'm really grateful for that.

Another thing that She said was, " ...even though you're surrounded by all your friends...you can still feel alone...and thats the worse feeling..." That's true for me too. I mean, yeah, I have SOME friends, that I hang out with but yet, I still feel alone. I hate it.

One more thing that She said that I can relate to is when she said, "i never understood why people would get all deppressed and ask themselves 'what is my purpose in life, why am i living'...untill..i had to ask myself the same question." Don't think of me as suicidal or whatever (cause I never went through anything that I thought about, I may have been close to it, but I have NEVER actually went through it [well duh]), I just used to ask myself those two questions. I USED to. Until I met Jr. Ever since I've been with Jr, it feels good knowing that there is just ONE person that cares about me and loves me as much as I care about and love them. My purpose in life is to be me and live every day as it is (sounds gay I know...). I'm living cause I want to see my life when I'm older. I want to see who I end up with and what I'm doing when I'm older. And all that other stuff.

Jr and I may have our bad times, but we have more good than we do bad, and I know that he's willing to listen to any of my bull shit that I go through. Well, while he was here. But now that he's gone...who can I turn to? Jr is my bestfriend, I told him practically everything from drama with my exs, family crap, school stuff, and all that other stuff. Jr is also my partner in crime (when I used to jill, he'd jill with me too). I depended on him and now he's not here...and I feel like I'm all by myself. Maan...I miss Jr. I never really knew how much I cared about him until he left.

Okay, I HAVE FRIENDS! I'm not a total loner so don't think any shit like that. Well, I have at least 5 real friends...but I feel that they have their own thing and most of them are in relationships and I hate feeling like a third wheel.

Whole point of this entry? Hell if I know. Relating to She I guess? She's one smart junior.

I miss you Jr!

That is all.

What's on t.v?
Nothing but news, news, and more news

Okay, I can't say that I'm happy about the war starting. I'm just like, maan, let's get this over with! It's good that they've started...cause the faster they start the damn war, the faster they can get it over with and people can come back home. Why do they have to help rebuild the country for anyways?

Like I've been telling everyone, Saddam reminds me of the guy from "Grumpy Old Men" the one who is also in "Denis the Menace." When I think about it...Bush can be the other guy from "Grumpy Old Men." I don't know who the actors are in "Grumpy Old Men." Maan...I don't know who said it, but Alvic keeps on mentioning it, Bush and Saddam should just fight it out by boxing. Hah. It's true though, why mess around with other people's lives when they're the ones who really have the problems. Or maybe I have my facts screwed up again.

Yeah. Whatever.

That is all.

So...war has began. Question...if Iraq is supposedly the bad people and I guess that would make us the good people, then why did we start the shooting? I don't really know what's going on. I'm tired of this. I mean, I'm worrying like hell for the people that are there especially for Jr and I didn't want to deal with it right now, so I was watching Sabrina. It just doesn't seem real. So, to get my mind off of this crap, I went out to Denny's for Alvic's birthday. Came home cause I was tired, but now, I'm awake cause I took a shower.

Anyways.

Alex...I know that that was you who left those comments. Why don't you leave your name Alexis? Thanks for the help with my math homework...maybe you can help me with my take home quiz! Hah. And uh, thanks for helping me with my facts about Saddam and all that other crap you talked about.

Alright. That is all.

Bad boys, bad boys, whatchu gon' do, whatchu gon' do when they come for you...
I don't know who or what group sang this song. Isn't weird how you can know the lyrics of certain songs but you don't know who what what group sang it or even the title?

Anywoo.

So, yesterday I needed to get gas and I didn't feel like going by myself so I called up Cat. I was at a stop sign about to turn into Skyline, and of course, I checked if it was clear. The sun was in my eye, there were cars parked at the curb (so I couldn't really see), I saw cars coming but they were pretty far, so...I decided to turn. What I didn't see was some lady driving SLOWLY, and when I turned right, she was pretty close to me. Luckily, she stopped before she could hit me. Unfortunately for me, there was a police guy getting gas and he saw the whole thing and pulled me over. He just HAD to pull me over next to the police station...greeaat! I was telling Cat...you just had to live next to a police station...it makes it a lot harder to do things that we're not supposed to do. She was her usual self and said sorry. Hah. It's okay...I wasn't mad or anything. So...this police guy was like, "Can I see your license, registration, and insurance?" In my mind, I was like...wow...they actually ask for that, I thought that was just in the movies and at the same time, I was like..SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. He was saying that I almost caused an accident, that since I turned, I should have driven faster and not like a turtle (the word turtle was his word...I was pissed! He said that I drive like a turtle?! Oh heelll no! But now I feel like I drive like a turtle cause I'm scared of getting caught again). Blah blah blah. I forgot what else he said, I was just pissed that I got caught! Cat was telling me to cry so that he'll be lenient on me...but I couldn't cry cause I was glad that I got a letter from Jr (aww...I miss my boyfriend) but at the same time I was scared cause my dad was gonna get mad at me, luckily, he wasn't. Which is REALLY weird. He just said, drive carefully. But I have a feeling he'll be a bit mad when he sees my insurance, cause he said that insurance goes up when you get a ticket/citation. My court date is on May 22. When I think about the word "court" it makes me feel like a fricken criminal! I don't know how much the fined is or whatever...just waiting for May 22 to come around. Hey, this is my first time actually going through this, so if anyone has been through this before...let me know what I'm supposed to do cause I'm lost. Ya know what else? When we were going back to Cat's house, we saw that same police guy pull over someone else...and that was within the hour I got caught. I think he was just having a bad day or something.

On a lighter note...HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY ALVIC.

Alright. That is all.

48 HOURS?! What the fuck is that?! So, I was at Inez's house this morning, and while I was waiting for her I was watching the news and California Dreams (wasn't that a cool ass show?). I hear that Bush is going to speak about what's going on at 5 p.m. today (that's when Sabrina shows). I didn't watch it cause Cat called me up and we went to the library. I just know that Bush is telling Saddam and his sons to leave Iraq in 48 hours. 48 HOURS! How the hell can someone get up and leave their country in 2 days. Bush better be paying their plane fees or something. So, if they don't leave Iraq in 2 days, which a lot of people doubt that they're actually going to leave...Bush will tell the military force to do their thing.

I was also listening to 933 on the way to Inez's house and I heard that one of the Dixie Chicks had to apologize to Bush for something. One of the girls said that Bush doesn't listen to anyone's opinions about what's going on...and it's true, so I don't know why the Dixie chick had to apologize for when she's just saying the truth. Bush doesn't listen to what people want. He's just making important decisions having no concern for other people, well, that's how I see it. Bush talks about how WE'RE trying to help Iraq by getting rid of the "tyrant," but if Saddam has been there for so long and (supposedly) the people don't like him, then why didn't the people of Iraq throw him off themselves! I saw bits and pieces of the speech so I don't know if my facts are right. Bush looked hypnotized and he's very annoying.

I know a lot of people doubt that Saddam is going to leave his country...but I'm hoping like hell that he will so that all of this will end! But I doubt it myself...I doubt that Saddam will leave because his doesn't want to seem like a pussy in front of his people by backing down. Well, maybe that's my opinion.

When will this end?

(that is all)

St. Patrick's Day

I woke up at 6:20 and got ready for school. I look at the Kim Anderson calendar my boyfriend gave to me and on March 17th, he wrote, "Don't forget to wear something green!" I was like...oh yeah huh, St. Patrick's Day...don't want to get pinched. Then I realize, I don't have any green outfits! So I just wear a shirt that has a little green in it. I told my Kuya that he wasn't wearing green and then he showed me his necklace...so I did the same. I got my necklace and I put jade on it, Andrew says that it looks like a lifesaver. That's why I stopped wearing my jade pendent cause when I was in elementary, a lot of people kept making fun of my pendent cause it looked like a lifesaver. Eh. Anyways. I told my little brother that he's not wearing green and then I was chasing him cause I wanted to pinch him. Hah. I love torturing my brother...it's so much fun. My Kuya was like, "you're in college now, like they'll really care if you're wearing green or not." But I care! I may be in college, but I can still act like a kid sometimes. Some people may think that now that you're in college you can't act like a kid anymore...that's bull shit. You're allowed to act like a kid just as long as you know when to act your age.

Anyways...that is all.

Okay...I know that Bush is saying that either Saddam disarms or he'll disarm him. Wait, did Bush say, HE WILL disarm him...or did he say WE? Doesn't WE include HIM as well? I mean...how did we exactly get into this in the first place? From what I heard...Bush Sr TRIED to disarm Saddam that's why Bush Jr is saying that Saddam was supposed to disarm like 12 years ago but kept on postponing it...so now, I guess Bush Jr is trying to finish Bush Sr's job or something. I don't know!!! Maaan...whatever. Stupid war.

That is all.

War sucks

"War...what is it good for, absolutely nothing..."
I don't know who really sang that song I just remember it from Rush Hour. Jackie Chan is funny.

Anyways...I hate war. I hate imagining of how war would be like. In my mind...I see war like how the movies portray it as, bloody and gory...and a whole bunch of people dying. It pretty much sucks to me. Well duh, war sucks to everyone. Right?

So, Alvic asks me, “Are you going to school on March 17th?” I’m like, “Why wouldn’t I?” He said that that’s when Iraq’s deadline is and that he might not go to school.

I watch news and everything, but I honestly don’t know why we’re even fighting. I know that Iraq has some bombs or whatever and so does North Korea…but why are we fighting? Don’t we have bombs too? I’m really confused.

I’m just angry…I thought after World War II there wouldn’t be anymore big ass wars, but this seems like a big one cause they’re involving other countries. Have any of you seen Independence Day? Doesn’t the president fight the alien ship with the other people? Well, if we go to war, will Bush fight along with the military? I don’t think so. He has the big title of being the “commander of the armed forces” and all he does is give speeches with everyone clapping at every single word he fricken says. He also makes big decisions involving other people’s lives. The way I see it, the military and those who fight for Iraq are ponds and Bush and Saddam are the players…Bush and Saddam make the decisions, move the ponds, while the ponds either get taken out of the game or go to victory. I know that Independence Day is a movie and all, but why can’t it be real? Why can’t Bush come up with a speech of his own to motivate those who are going to war, instead of having his notes that his speech writers wrote in front of him? And why can’t he be on the battlefield as well? Cause he’s the president? Frankly, I don’t really understand. If you wanna explain it to me, feel free to leave a comment or something, but don’t patronize me. I’m not writing this just because my boyfriend is in Kuwait. I’m writing this because…war sucks.

That is all.

You know when I add forwards and songs to me and Cat's blog it's just cause I'm too lazy to write a real entry and I feel bad for neglecting this mo' fo'. And for songs...it's cause they know how to choose words to describe how I feel about certain things.

Well for this particular song, The Search is Over by Survivor Jr dedicated it to me a long time ago and I just now remembered about it.

How can I convince you what you see is real
Who am I to blame you for doubting what you feel
I was always reachin', you were just a girl I knew
I took for granted the friend I have in you

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever, the search is over
You were with me all the while

Can we last forever, will we fall apart
At times it's so confusing, these questions of the heart
You followed me through changes and patiently you'd wait
Till I came to my senses through some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever, the search is over
You were with me all the while

Now the miles stretch out behind me
Loves that I have lost
Broken hearts lie victims of the game
Then good luck it finally struck
Like lightning from the blue
Every highway leading me back to you

Now at last I hold you, now all is said and done
The search has come full circle
Our destinies are one
So if you ever loved me
Show me that you give a damn
You'll know for certain
The man I really am

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment
Taking on the world, that was just my style
Then I touched your hand, I could hear you whisper
The search is over, love was right before my eyes

Damn...it's ONLY been 2 weeks since he left...seems a lot longer. Heh...I'm such a dork.

Anyways...that is all.

Top 10 lies women tell men

This goes out to the guys...I got this from the MSN page...

If you think your woman would never fib, guess again. From little white lies to real whoppers, most women hide the truth at some point. Their motivation ranges from wanting to protect your feelings to pulling the wool over your eyes. Here are 10 lies to watch out for:

10. I wouldn't change a thing about you
Do you really believe she wouldn't prefer ripped abs and bulging biceps to your hairy beer belly? Do you think that she actually enjoys listening to you snore like a grizzly bear? Reality check: Even if you're still in the honeymoon phase she'll soon come to her senses and realize there are many things about you she'd like to change. So if she hasn't figured out your faults yet, then enjoy her approval while it lasts.

9. I love hanging out with your friends
No matter how great your friends are, your girlfriend doesn't want them around all the time. Even though she might have told you this little white lie when you first started dating, don't expect it to last. After a couple of hours of being surrounded by your loud, beer-guzzling, chip-munching buddies, she'll throw in the towel. Try to keep visits from your friends to a minimum and she might just keep pretending she loves them.

8. I don't mind picking up after you
Here's another lie your girlfriend might tell at the beginning of your relationship. She'll say she really doesn't mind picking up the dirty dishes and she loves doing your laundry. I hate to break it to you, but this isn't going to last. Soon enough, she'll be telling you to wash your smelly gym socks yourself.

7. I love your family
It's possible your girlfriend may find your family totally loveable. However, if she despises them, she will probably spare your feelings and keep her distaste to herself. Observe her reaction the next time your parents invite the two of you over for dinner. If she throws on a fake smile and mutters "Great" under her breath, then she definitely isn't crazy about them. If she really hates them, then this could kill your relationship. Avoid a major blowup by limiting family visits to birthdays and holidays.

6. I love sports
Ah, another first date classic. She may tell you that she loves watching basketball, but unless you're lucky enough to have found one of the rare true female sports fans, she'll soon complain every time you sit down to watch a game. Sorry guys, but your dreams of curling up with a six-pack and a hot woman in front of the tube are probably pure fantasy.

5. I won't get mad if you think I look fat
Unless you've been living under a rock for the better part of your adult life, you've probably figured out that this is a trap. No matter what you say, she will get mad. If you try to tell her that she looks great, she'll accuse you of lying to make her feel better about her rhinoceros butt. On the other hand, if you tell her that she has in fact put on a couple of pounds, you're likely to set off World War III in your living room. Basically, the only way to deal with this situation (short of faking a heart attack) is to brace yourself and wait until the monsoon passes.

4. You're right
Do your arguments with your girlfriend usually end up with her admitting that you're right and that you know better than her? And you actually believe her? Even if she realizes she's wrong, chances are slim to none that she'll actually admit it. The fact is that many women will tell you that you're right to shut you up, but what they're really thinking is: "He'll find out soon enough that I'm right." Then they'll proceed to find some devious way to prove their point to you. Keep this metaphor from My Big Fat Greek Wedding in mind: The man is the head but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants. Basically, the guy thinks that he knows what's going on and that he's in control, but he doesn't realize that his woman is the one who actually has the real control, albeit in a much more subtle way.

3. It doesn't bother me when you check out other women
Although she may say this at first to seem cool and open-minded, chances are that it secretly drives her nuts when you eyeball the hot redhead at the grocery store. It's quite simple: She wants to feel like you only have eyes for her even though she may not look like Pamela Anderson's long-lost twin. Therefore, even if she tells you that it doesn't bother her, you're better off not letting your eyes wander too often if you don't want it to blow up in your face when you least expect it. And if you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that you wouldn't be too thrilled either if your girlfriend started checking out every hot guy that crossed her path.

2. I don't care how much money you have
Although it isn't true that all women care about is the size of a man's bank account, most women want a guy who is financially stable and independent. No, they don't all want a sugar daddy; they just want to know that their man is capable of taking care of a potential future family. Of course, your girlfriend probably won't tell you this so as not to scare you off with discussions about family and the future.

1. Don't worry honey, it happens to everyone
Most men will have temporary erectile difficulties at some point in their lives and most women are aware of this fact. However, that doesn't mean that it doesn't bother your girlfriend when you're getting hot and heavy and suddenly there's nothing happening down there. This lie is only one of the dozens of sex-related lies that women tell to spare their partner's feelings, including the classics "size doesn't matter" and "you're the best I've ever had." Fortunately, these fibs aren't really harmful. After all, even if you aren't the best she's ever had, she chose to be with you over any other guy, no matter how good (or bad) the sex is.

Does anyone find any of this true???

That is all.