A mother is important to her children & at three years old, I was unfortunate to lose mine. Thankfully, my grandmother was able to fill a part of that void. For 23 years of my life, I was never away from my gramma for more than a month. At some point, the reality of life comes in & there's no other way to say it, but, people die.
Gramma was sick for a couple of years & slowly deteriorating, but we didn’t want to let her go. After many years of taking care of us, we knew it was our turn to return the favor. She slowly began to refuse food & eventually became in a coma. I even remember the day the doctor suggested that she go to hospice. It broke me & I cried uncontrollably at work that I had to be sent home.
When gramma was approved to go to hospice, I cried tears of joy, I was so happy that she was accepted to get in there & fit whatever their criteria was. The doctors were telling us that maybe she’s still around because we don’t want to let her go. The doctors suggested, for her to let go, we have to tell her that it’s okay. How in the world do you tell someone you love, it’s okay to leave us, it’s okay for you to die?! I couldn’t do it, neither of my family members could. On the last night before gramma passed away, it was my youngest brother, my nephew, & I sleeping at her bedside. The next day, barely leaving the parking lot to go home to take a shower, & with my dad at her bedside, she passed. Peacefully. It was one of the hardest days for my family to go through. It’ll be forever be imbedded into my memory.
At the time I was in summer school & also working. How can life still be going on while I’m in excruciating pain? How can I manage to pass my classes & take care of other people when I feel broken? But with prayer, friends, & my family, I was able to get through it. Writing the eulogy was difficult too, how do I fathom 23 years of my life with my gramma into a speech in front of everyone, when all I wanted to do was crawl into the corner & cry.
I listened to my brothers, cousins, & my dads eulogy about her, there were some laughs, & some tears with it. The hardest was when they closed the casket, & then lowered her into her gravesite. Tears, yelling, & the sound of my dad saying, “MY MOM! MY MOM! YOU HAVE NO MORE GRANDMA,” will be another thing that will stay in my mind of that event.
After the funeral, it felt as if it was closure for the family. It’s still hard & we miss her so much, but we keep reminding her, she’s no longer in pain, she finally resting peacefully. I’ve stayed in San Diego & never left my parents house because of her. Now that she’s gone, I want to live a full life like she did, so I think it’s time to make changes. After I finish school I want to do something different, I haven’t figured it out just yet, but I know something amazing will be in store.
