38

38. 

be the better parent.

Today in therapy we talked about me going to my kids when they cry. 

I make a reason as to why I don't like them crying it out, & I related to it that it was because when I was a child, & I would cry, I didn't have my mom come to me. 

I don't want my children to experience that. 

However, what I need to tell myself, that I will be there for them eventually, at this time, they won't experience that, because WHEN necessary, I am there, they WILL be held by me & I WILL comfort them. 

Children cry, I get that, that's how they communicate. 

They will learn to comfort themselves or figure it out. 

It will all work out in the end. 

Your children are safe. 

Your children are loved

Your children are fed

Your children know that you love them by your actions. 

It's okay to get frustrated, you don't love them any less. 

Parenting is hard. 

My goal is to be a better parent than my parents (dad & step mom) were. 

To emotionally connect with them. 

To be friends with them but also a great parent to them. 

To have them open up to me. 

I want to be the great TV mom (minus the cooking) 

YKS

Some of my mom's side visited recently. 

I spent the day with my cousin Cherry, & it was a VERY long time since I spent any one on one time with someone from my mom's side. We went to the mall, got massages, & had a meal. 

Growing up, I felt that my dad would caution against hanging out too long with my mom's side. I've never told them that of course. I guess he's worried that they will take us away from them because of money, but honestly that isn't the case. I feel attracted to my mom's side because they are relatable, we have good conversations, they're kind & humble. 

I envy those with tight knit family, it's something that I've always wanted. I pray that I am making the difference & that my kids will be able to have that in their life. I understand that I need to make the change, do the work, make the effort. Like what Michael Jackson sang, "I'm starting with the (wo)man in the mirror."