One bad day does not mean forever

Just got done with therapy. 

I've been doing well talking with Jillian, I missed one week & I was unstable. 

I told her about my day yesterday. 

I mentioned to her that Zaia didn't sleep for 5 hrs 11p-5am. 

I admitted to her that I bawled. 

& I thought it was the end of the world. 

She told me to change my thinking of it being "all or nothing" 

Today they didn't sleep well, but the other night & the night before that they slept normally. 

Not every day will be the same. 

There will be some struggles. 

Push through, one bad day is not the end of the world.

You got this. 

grace

Zaia will be 7 months on December 4,

& today is when I started my period. 

I've also been sick over the weekend, 

so sick that Dranreb had to help me put my breast pump on. 

It has been constant coughing & congestion. 

I called in sick today. 

He asked me to get the kids ready & I couldn't, 

I just sat there & cried. 

Uncontrollably. 

I feel like a failure, but I need to give myself grace & understand that I am going through a lot. 

I am mostly lacking sleep & that makes anyone unstable. 

Zaia was up all night, I tried all I could to get her to sleep. 

I held her, I laid next to her, I fed her, I put her on the swing, I let her cry it out. 

I couldn't do it. 

Why do my kids have trouble sleeping?

I get that everyone is different, but why can't sleeping be something they excel in. 

fall 2022 photos

I managed to find a good photographer & a good price. 

Let's hope she sticks. 

2 Littles

Thanksgiving is approaching. 

Holidays tend to stress me out, mostly because the pressure of gift giving. 

However this season, on top of the pressure of gift giving, I am just mentally exhausted with the 2 kids. 

Currently Zaia at 6.5 months is up every 3 hrs, even at night. 

Since Dranreb works full-time, I've taken the lead on waking up & feeding her on my own, which I have minimal resentment for; because honestly, I really want to sleep. 

Thankful that he is there in case I really need him, I'd rather have him on standby than out of town. 

I am thankful that he hasn't traveled for the past 2 months. 

Zaia has been waking up in the middle of the night which makes it challenging because her & Enzo share a room, so when she cries, he typically will wake up or when he cries for whatever reason, she DEFINITELY wakes up. 

My patience is being tested, I know that because I have minimal sleep I have less tolerance for them when they are being fussy.

I'm not getting adequate rest. 

It's not their fault, they don't know any better & it is my responsibility as their mother to be there for them, which I am. 

I need to remember to deep breath. Remind myself that I love them. 

Remind myself that it will get better. 

Remind myself that they rely on me. 

There are times that I miss not having all the responsibilities.

The thought of wanting to just leave has cross my mind, but that won't happen.

I'll be there for them until my last breath. 

5 east

I've been a nurse since 2010. 

4 different hospitals. 

Kaiser, SDMC, 5 east is the longest place I've been at (since 2017).

5 east has some great teamwork, it's a difficult floor to be on, but I enjoy the people I work with. 

It also gave me the opportunity to meet one of my dearest friends, Kat. 

Thankful to be a part of this group. 

Eczema sucks

Eczema has been the bane of my existence. 

My daughter has it & it stresses me out. 

I feel like it hinders her growth. 

I hate that I compare my kids to others, when I know that everyone is different, yet I can't keep doing it. 

Zaia has been going through so much in the beginning of her life. 

I had covid while being pregnant & she had covid when she was 3 months. 

Now RSV has been going around & at 6 months she is sick yet again.

Vomiting, lethargic, fussy, & lost of appetite. 

What can be done? Just let ride it out. 

The ride is rough & treacherous. 

Parenting is a constant worry & I just pray that my kids will continue to thrive. 

LA

Dranrebs work is having him travel, 

its been tough trying to juggle it all  with the newborn & the toddler. 

I am grateful that we have had chances to go with him.

I enjoyed getting up early, meeting around people & getting a free meal.

We stayed at the Marina Del Rey Residence Inn, the view from the dining area felt calming. 

My favorite part is walking around the marina. Great weather & Enzo was able to run free.

There was also a park near the hotel that had a lot of toys for Enzo to play with. I feel so grateful to be able to enjoy my kids, to take them out & spend time with them.

I will be a better parent than my father was in the sense that they will have experiences in life WITH me. I want them to have stories to tell friends that they did with their family. It may not be the best & extravagant things, but it will be something  Thankful for USPS paying for our stay